A "pleaser's "confession

A while ag0, I happen to learn this painful reality that you can't lo0k for h0w you sh0uld feel about yourself in the faces of other pe0ple. You have to have your own standards,both for how you act and for whom, besides yourself, you sh0uld answer to.I have always been the kind of person who minds what other people would have to say about me, in fact I consider myself a pleaser.

I always feel this urgent need to always please the people around me at all costs, including my very own happiness at that. I've always believed that there is no other way to live than to be approved by everyone. I've been the type who says "yes", when my heart screams for "NO!'Sad reality dawned on me though, I can't and never will be able to please everybody. Because if I will, I'm being dishonest to myself. I am just a human being who makes mistakes from time to time;just a normal person who can't be how someone wants me to be. I am a person of my own, and the ultimate one that that I'm answerable to, is God and Him alone. For as long as I live my life in His way, I can never go wrong. Right now, I'm trying to learn how to speak up my mind and how to stand on what I believe in. Again, and I reiterate, I can never please everybody. Well, no one can, right?

"THERE IS A BUTTERFLY IN EACH OF US"
-My reaction to HOPE FOR THE FLOWERS by Trina Paulis

This is a story of how two caterpillars, smartly named "Yellow" and "Stripe" discover what really matters in life
" There is more to life... than chasing out every temporary high-to satisfy me", this is a line from one of my favorite songs MORE TO LIFE by Stacie Orrico. Somehow, while reading the story, I can't help but hear the song played over and over again. It's like every sentence is a line from the song-that each of us is a searching soul, searching for that "high" feeling we've never felt before. As we look for our niche in this world, we are also coupled with decisions to make... tough ones most of the time. Most of the time,it is very hard to decide, there are always those what ifs, we can never be so sure. Yellow and Stripe represents us. We are all caterpillars wanting to know our purpose in this world. Some of us would follow what the rest of us are doing; we start to climb for the top, thinking what lies above is the ultimate realization of our purpose. On our way up, we sometimes become ruthless at some point, wanting to reach the acme before anyone else. I realize why there are always greedy ones, why the poor are becoming even poorer and the rich just richer- because some of those who are already on top are not hesitant to step and crush those who are below them.
Some of us are like Yellow, who followed her heart, who waited for the right time. In the end though, she took the risk, and became the butterfly that she ought to be. Unlike Stripe, who satisfied his curiosity, found himself caught in the competition, but lost anyhow. I wish we will not become like Stripe, who stepped on others to get where we want. However, I do sincerely wish that we become the Repentant Stripe- the one who accepted his mistakes and moved on with his life still.And as Trina Paulis put it- In the end, we all have to give up who we thought we are, and become who we really are.

to Catherine... my tribute

How would you feel if you have this student twenty years older than you are? Would you get intimidated, or would you feel proud as to knowing more than a person twice your age? As for me, i was just uncertain then as to how to deal with her. The challenge for me that time was the fact that she is already good in English (I was an ESL teacher). All my uncertainties disappeared though during our "getting -to-know" conversation. Right then and there, I made up my mind-I am going to like her. It was so unlikely of me to trust a person that easily, I don't know how, but it happened.
Many of us find it impossible to right away find the few good people on Earth; but I tell you, I found one in Catherine. I found her humility genuine, her intentions pure and her words just sincere. I know it is not proper to get so attached to people in the workplace as far as professionalism is concerned, much more a teacher to her student. But I got close to her somehow, I even consider our relationship way beyond the usual teacher-student one, but more of FRIENDSHIP, sometimes even like older-younger sister or mother-daughter association. She has shown me the love and affection of a friend- the Korean way. Unbelievably, she has given me the kind of respect a teacher expects from a learner... I think that was, in a word humbling. I know, I may never see her again, but she had gained her rightful place in my heart. In my memory her kindness, her generosity, her friendship linger. I am always thankful for having met her. My student, my friend, my mother, my sister, my teacher... all in one... all in Catherine.

Pics...!

My Addiction

Nope. I'm not yet that addicted to it, but I do crave for it a lot...You can't blame me, it's soothing, it gives me great feeling, it's yummy and it quenches my thirst. Well, yeah I'm talking about my "very-hard-to-quit" softdrink habit. I used to take in softdinks everyday. Sometimes, I can even consume up to a liter of it in a day. I found it hard to say "no' to the mere sight of a bottle, can or glass of my favorite "black beverage". Later on though, as we were going through the many forms of diseases in our Medical-Surgical nursing class, the ill effects of softdrinks became a fearful reality to me. Not only that Carbonated beverages predisposes me to obesity (though I'm always thin), Diabetes and Renal Problems, this bad habit also hurts my pocket. However, I am so proud to say that for the past month, I have been successful in cutting down my softdrink intake. I would no longer give in to the craving easily, and I can actually look at people enjoying the beverage without the "uncontrollable impulse" I had way back. You may ask,how i did it... well, here's how:

a.I Pray. No kidding! When I'm actually tempted to give in to the craving, I would close my eyes and utter a prayer for strength.
b.I Control the impulse. When I feel the craving I will right away divert my attention to something else.
c.I Remind myself about the ill effects of Carbonated soft drinks.
d. I Drink a lot of water.Not only that it quenches my thirst, water also is beneficial to the body. It cleanses, it lubricates secretions in our body, it detoxifies and it is a natural component needed by our cells.

For those who are also very fond of drinking Soft drinks and sodas:

Come to think of it, some people even use soft drinks to clean the toilet bowl. Imagine all those sugars and acids of soft drinks becoming part of our system and feel it slowly destroying our organs... Geez...(sigh)

I'm looking for a bestfriend

"The ideal match for you is probably someone who can anticipate the next word out of your mouth and who laughs at the punch line before you even tell it." -this was the result of an online exam i took. It says I'm way too idealistic when it comes to love and that it will take it harder for me to actually find "the one" so to speak. There are even tendencies when i prefer not to believe that really, someone is out there waiting for me... The thing is... does he really exist? My friends used to scold me... and I mean literally scolded me for not giving the guys who come around a bit of a chance. My point is, it really is very hard for me to "connect" with just whoever. I'm determined to find my one true love but I guess he just has to come; and when he does, I would know it's him. He would finish my sentences for me, he would laugh before I drop the punchline, he would outwit me maybe, but I would definitely have a good time around him, he would appreciate the littlest thing I would do for him, and we will just- Connect! that's the thing. Where could he be?

me? too idealistic?

"when you're head over heels, you are an Idealistic Romantic. Darn! again? well, that's me... that's how i am. I may not be the best looking person around, but I do have my standards too. Why is it sooooo hard for some to understand that there are basically people who wont just settle for who's available- I am definitely that kind of person. yes, their are times that I also tend to settle for mediocrities, but for emotional commitments? No way, not me... I am never a risk taker when it comes to love and attachment, especially with total strangers. I may eat my words later. But that's later... too later.... Again, let me reiterate... when it comes to relationships, it's not good to settle for just who's available. I rest my case.